Sometimes Glad They Didn't Live
There was a time, after my second husband died –
There was a time, after my second husband died –
to whom I was not married any more by then,
but to someone else, but still I hadn't wanted him dead
and it was a huge shock, and then to be dealing with
our sons' grief, their storms of sobbing ...
there was that time when Holland lost to Argentina
in the FIFA World Cup, after getting so far,
and I was glad he was dead, to miss that
huge disappointment that it would have been for him
(Dutch till he was 15).... Is that weird? Anyway I was.
And I caught myself feeling glad just now
that my dear third husband is not still alive to learn
that one of his favourite Aussie actors – the one we saw
walking along St Kilda Road after we'd been to the Art Gallery,
that last time we visited Melbourne together
(we had sat to rest on the low concrete ledge
dividing pavement from Arts Centre precincts
near the bridge above South Bank, and there he was
coming towards us from the theatre complex. Yes, it was
him! In the end, Andrew just called out, 'Good on you, mate!'
The tall man gave him a quick thumbs up,
a nod and a lopsided grin, as he strode past
heading for Flinders Street Station, or the tram stop, or
the Swanston Street shops ... wherever great people go
when they're being ordinary and just like the rest of us.)
I'm glad, I say, that Andrew never heard the tales
of an Aussie icon revealed as predator. At first
we didn't believe the one young woman; and other actors
said they knew nothing of it – but now it begins to look true.
If Andrew has to be dead, I'm glad he's spared this sad disillusion.
Sharing with the last Tuesday Platform for 2018 at 'imaginary garden with real toads'.
Sharing with the last Tuesday Platform for 2018 at 'imaginary garden with real toads'.
I often think how appalled my grandma would be at the world today. She lived in a gentler time, other than the world wars and Hiroshima. (Maybe not so gentler after all. But there was honour and doing the right thing, and fiscal responsibility.) Loved this poem of recollection.
ReplyDeleteOh this pierces through my heart, Rosemary. I can relate to the idea.. to the feeling that perhaps it is better this way .. the horrors of this world at a distance .. from our loved ones. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteI like the way you have woven memory into a tale, and also made reference to current social issues.
ReplyDeleteWe never want them gone, but if being gone will save their hearts from being ripped to pieces... well, then being glad they are gone is perfectly understandable.
ReplyDeleteI really love the structure of this poem, the way you set things up for us--showing the pain of knowing he's gone, then explaining why it's better this way... even if it's still hurts.
I love the view of death as also being spared the bad news and disappointments... from the lost games to idols being pushed from pedestals...
ReplyDeleteI couldn't help but think of a good friend of mine. He was quick-witted, and valued science and reason. If he had lived to see who was running the country now it'd probably kill him.
ReplyDeleteit does seem the fall can be hard for those whom we've idolized, whether of a personal and intimate nature (I think of those moments when a child realizes their parents aren't heroic or perfect or whatever and something hopeful in them is shattered) or when it's someone more worldly-for-the-stage known. But then, perhaps the truth of the words, "thou shalt have no other gods before me" is a timely reminder - not from a particularly religious perspective, but to remember, everyone if human and leads a "normal" life .... especially behind the scenes.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate the way you've addresses this topic, of idolization and loss, and reflected on how different ideas could and often do, really break or make a person.
Happy Holidays Rosemary and all the brightest of blessings for the new year.
A strong narrative poem -- it has the incantative beat of a fireside tale -- which picks up the disappointments with the other and in particular the unforgivable sexual ways of the male animal. Husband #3 would not I think have been quick to give a thumbs down to his matinee idol.
ReplyDeleteI think he would have been devastated - as many Aussies are now, about one who has been both highly revered and an object of affection.
DeleteI am glad you opened the subject of our feelings towards our exes. You did really well of writing showing that you were very aware of his feelings and his would be reactions. My ex of 13 year's marriage and four kids which ended 49 years ago isn't very strong in my imagination anymore. And from our last meeting at a granddaughter's wedding she seemed to be bigger in size than the tiny thing I was married to (we sat beside each other on grandparents' row). I like my memories better.
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It is hard to accept that our icons are not infallible or perfect. I like the way you intertwined a happy memory from the past with a current disappointment to express the pain of grief, Rosemary.
ReplyDeleteThat is the problem with actors whether they be Stage, TV or Movie as we tend to think of them as the characters they play rather than vulnerable, faulty people like ourselves. So their pedestal gets a bit wobbly when we realize they are just like us ...human! It is still sad though.
ReplyDeleteTerribly terribly sad that such a talented actor's life and career is ruined because
ReplyDeleteof political correctness gone mad.We don't live in a perfect world. He is no Harvey Weinstein. He is an immature loony toon.I have encountered them. A lot of exceptional people are...Mozart being the most famous.
It is sad indeed, and I agree he's no Weinstein, far from it. Nevertheless, people in positions of power (by virtue of age, status, whatever) need to be responsible and have a duty of care to those in more vulnerable positions. One of the sad things is that it has not always been recognised that persistent groping can be not only unwelcome but scary to the young and vulnerable. Also it was done in some circumstances where the choice of (immediate) reaction was very limited. (Do you put up with it in silence, which appears to be consent, or call a halt and wreck a public performance?) Despite some unfortunate and even tragic fallout, I think it is good that these matters are being aired, so it becomes harder for anyone to say or believe: 'Oh she didn't complain at the time, so she didn't really object.'
DeleteWell it seems he has already been declared guilty by media trial. She was 25 and that is not young.She allowed her ambition to get in the way of her integrity which is probably non existent.She encouraged him and allowed him to think she was enjoying his antics and admitted they were close andshe had a complex relationship with him. Frankly I think she is an opportunistic prick teaser and along the way somewhere I hope she gets her comeuppance.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure which complainant you're talking about here. It's the fact of a second woman coming forward which gives one pause. However I think that, though we can have opinions, we can't really know in this instance. It's tragic for him, either way. My poem wasn't meant to offer a decision on the matter, but to indicate how distressing the mere thought is to his admirers, and indeed how hard to believe.
DeleteThe way you have portrayed your love through this poem is quite thought provoking...it speaks so much abut life and death, things we treasure, the memories we cherish, our own ways to grieve for the loss of our loved ones and how we cope with it!
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