Magaly asks us for a short article, 369 or fewer words, on this subject for her Moonlight Musings: the Interactive Edition, #1 at Poets United. Here is mine (369 words without title):
Negative Criticism
(a) It has its place.
(b) It comes in various kinds.
(b) It comes in various kinds.
Professional
If someone says to me, ‘This line of your poem isn’t working,’ is that negative criticism? No, not to me. (It's useful feedback.) If I‘m told my writing is banal, mediocre, boring, yes that is – but might also be true. In which case I could choose to benefit from it and lift my game … oh all right, AFTER the first flash of indignation. [No-one ever has said that to my face; but now you know my worst fears for my work.]
Personal
Then there’s the kind which is meant to hurt or even destroy.
Some is ’heat of the moment’: outrageous insults soon regretted. These usually come from our nearest and dearest! They’re hard to overlook, but if we value the relationships we must try.
Some is ’heat of the moment’: outrageous insults soon regretted. These usually come from our nearest and dearest! They’re hard to overlook, but if we value the relationships we must try.
Then there’s gossip and slander, said behind your back. Usually it reaches your ears somehow.
Responses
1. Dignified
As well as a poet, I’m a Reiki Master. You’d think a system of Divine Healing, channelled through highly trained individuals required to demonstrate the greatest integrity, would be free of back-stabbing and nastiness, but that’s not always so. People can persuade themselves of their own righteousness.
I once got caught up in some local ‘Reiki wars’ even though I took no direct part in them. I was the subject of malicious rumours. (My Reiki wasn’t as good as X’s, my training was inferior, my ability questionable, my character suspect.)
My professional history is on public record, but few people investigated it. Defending myself by counter-claims and accusations might keep matters in the forefront of people’s minds. What could I do?
This – withdraw from the fray, say nothing no matter how provoked, and stay in my own integrity. (Over time, people can see who you are.)
That furore was long ago now, and those other Reiki Masters didn’t last in this area. There was no need for me to do anything but wait it out.
2. Annihilating
When I feel remarks are necessary, I like to keep them oblique, naming no names – yet wickedly pointed. In writing, of course.
I relish my favourite bumper sticker:
~ WRITERS have the last word ~
This post explains exactly why I am convinced that my soul has taken some lessons from your soul in another life. You said it so much clearer than I did, but... in the end, we approach this matter in the same way. And that makes me happy.
ReplyDeleteTo paraphrase an old saying, we can't control what people say about us, be we can certainly not make an ass of ourselves when they do (most of the time, lol). We can only make the best of it--sometimes that includes gently making them eat their words--but never in a destructive way. That doesn't help anyone, especially not us.
P.S. That bumper sticker rocks!
You don't always need to engage in battle in order to win the war. Although having the last word... even if it is while you drive off into the sunset is pretty good too!
ReplyDeleteHa ha, i love the bumper sticker! I remember the look of horror on my ex-husband's face when i threatened that one day i would expose him in print. (I didnt and in my memoir he got off lightly, For the Sake of the Children. ) i like best what you said about staying in your integrity. That is such a fine response!
ReplyDeleteThis is spot on Rosemary, and so well written. Something that we all need to read and remind ourselves. I love the bumper sticker too! :-)
ReplyDeleteI love your sacred and wicked ways.
ReplyDeleteI certainly could learn from your response. I don't like to engage with someone negative unless necessary. I have a family member I've had to withdraw from because she takes offense at everyone else's opinion other than her own. I am much happier because of my decision.
ReplyDeleteWow! Love how you've analysed the whole process! One needs to be cool about life (experiences will teach us) to respond to such destructive comments in a dignified manner. And yeah...to kill with humor is the best way.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate the clarity of your article, Rosemary, and love the bumper sticker! I agree that negative criticism has its place – it’s important for writing to improve and be the best it can be. It’s the personal kind that is spiteful and meant to hurt or destroy that we need to avoid - that's the kind I experienced from my sister, and I've felt the pain for six years now.
ReplyDelete*giggles* This is beyond perfect. I think I need to adopt your terms for describing ways to react. Besides being wise and funny (a combination I cherish), they are reminders for how much power I truly wield in a situation.
ReplyDeleteHarsh criticism is almost impossible to swallow. I like that you speak your truth and stick to your gift.
ReplyDeleteRosemary, I like your take on negative criticism. Your concise and clear way of dealing with it, is admirable. And your bumper sticker, rocks!
ReplyDeleteVery thorough, Rosemary, nice advice. I've had some social media conflicts, not many. I pretty well shut down with them but as long as it's one time I go on. Later I probably will delete their stuff unless we have made up and continue.
ReplyDeleteAlso I left this as a "Reply" to your nice comment on mine:
2019 2:43:00 PM
Thank you for sharing. I do rant and rave on some FB pages where the owner has clearly taken sides on an issue.
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