Patti Smith, in 'A Book of Days,' includes a photo of an angel in a cemetery. She says, 'Visiting the grave of Bertholt Brecht, I always pause to touch her wings.'
That 'always' makes me wonder about the frequency of her visits … her pilgrimage, one might deduce.
I suppose it's convenient for people to have somewhere to go, to remember and reflect on those who have passed on before us, whether family members and friends or those great figures we have revered.
I don't much hold with visiting graves, myself. I also don't have much tolerance for funerals. The body, no matter how wonderful it was in life (and they are all wonderful, bodies) is a mere empty shell after the soul has flown. Funerals and graves and urns full of ashes, it seems to me, are really for the living who are left behind.
I would rather remember my family members by their photos taken when they were warm with life; my friends by their words and actions; the 'towering dead' (as Dylan Thomas called them) by their works which remain to move and inspire us.
your living face
the timbre of your voice
indelible –
even after being gone
for years of memories
Note: The Dylan Thomas reference is to his poem, 'In my Craft or Sullen Art.'
In Friday Writings #106, Magaly asks us to include in a piece of writing the full title of a book we're reading or planning to read this December. I have been reading Patti Smith's 'A Book of Days' all year, one day at a time, and am continuing to do so during December.
I think about this often because our culture calls for cremation not burial and I wonder if it would be nicer to have a place to go and grieve. (hence my first book was titled - Water to Water) But I totally agree, we have photographs now and maybe the computer screen becomes a memorial of sorts. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteI think individuals deal with grief and loss, and honouring the dead, in their own ways – as do different culltures – and there is no one right way.
DeleteI think I have been remiss in overlooking Patti Smith. I agree, funerals and graves and their blankets are for the living not the deceased. Yet it's comforting, in a way, to have someplace to drop a bouquet of dried delphiniums. Just so happens to be my mother's favorite.
ReplyDeleteAh yes, I can see how that would be comforting and affirming.
DeleteI always loved Patti Smith's early books of poetry. Then her memoir 'Just Kids' completely won my heart. Since then, I have read everything she publishes, and have never been disappointed. Above all, I find her a wonderfully satisfying writer to read.
Thank you, Rosemary, nice on the graves and death time. I had never been to a funeral until I was in the Army. I went to one, a Military Funeral, I figured I wouldn't get another chance to witness one. An officer, Captain I think, died young, we had a few head bumping while at work. We have ashes for three pets, not sure why we keep them. Adi is one, you know her. I was not familiar with Patti Smith, she has written a lot of books. She chummed some with Bob Dylan, he is tops with me. But I missed Patti altogether, if I get to reading more again I may try one of her books.
ReplyDelete..
See my reply to Yvonne, above.
DeleteGreat Rosemary - I Love this piece, you captures the truth of this for me so well here ...Made me smile broadly in recognition of what me soul knows as well as yours... I had no face to face experience of death till relatively late in my life when I went into see my Dad about fifteen minutes after he passed away. And nothing could have been more obvious - his physical carcass already a howlingly empty shell - he simply wasn't there anymore. Whereas of course the spirit of the man, his very essence (especially in his pomp) will live on in my heart forever... Thanks so much for this - I really appreciate it. Such finely felt writing really does matter and matter to all whom it touches... This the perfect example and I am therefore all the more grateful for your choice of topic this time round....
DeleteThanks, Scott. Responses like this make it so very worthwhile.
DeleteVisits to the grave is for the living. I think it gives one something to focus attention on but I can talk to my loved ones anywhere and do. Not that they talk back but still I feel closer for the moment.
ReplyDeleteExactly!
DeleteDon't know why this is anon. This is Debi
DeleteHi Debi, glad to know it's you. Blogger seems to do that to people from time to time, inexplicably. It may be to do with what browser you use – at least, that's one theory.
DeleteI grew up with what I now recognize as hippie views of funerals and how to remember loved ones. If you miss them, it's because they did things that stood for a quality you think the world needs more of. Work out what that was, and then do something in the person's memory.
ReplyDeletePeople in my part of the world sat up with dead bodies for at least one full night (the original wake, now usually reduced to one or two hours of socializing) and then buried them deep--but under loose earth--in boxes that were solid and waterproof for several days--but easily opened. Why? Because everyone had heard of someone being buried before the person had died. When such people clawed their way out of the grave they were usually still sick, highly contagious, and sometimes resentful enough to WANT to take a few relatives back to the grave with them. So many horror stories grow out of that horrible reality.
We now make sure that bodies are completely dead before they're buried, cremated, or donated to medical science, so there's less reason to fear cremation. I personally want my remains donated and my life remembered by mindful actions rather than a wasteful funeral. But it's good to respect the wishes of the individual, always.
I love the 'hippie view' you describe of how to honour the dead. What a wonderful idea! (Though I do think we miss people for the whole of who they were in life and what they were to us.) And that little slice of history about wakes and burials is fascinating! Thank you.
DeleteI am an organ donor, however at my age don't know if they will qualify. I have instructed my children to throw my ashes into the wind wherever they choose followed by a huge party celebrating all of our lives! Love you post Rosemary, love it. [ oh, I have also written my obituary and am leaving behind a list of music for the party ]
ReplyDeleteThat's really cool, Helen.
DeleteI'm right there with you, on the bit about funerals and reasons for visiting cemeteries. Those we've lost to death live in our hearts, memories, in the ways we remember them. Still, I enjoy visiting old graveyards--they feel like stone gardens...
ReplyDeleteI know many people do enjoy visiting graveyards and are fascinated by the all the histories that can be glimpsed there. I'm just peculiar, I think!
Deleteindelible even after..... I know that.....The memories remain,...The timbre of the voice......All this touches a chord with me
ReplyDeleteThat's good to know, Jossina.
DeleteI read this book, and it is so Patti. She does have a penchant for visiting gravesites. I went to concerts and readings by Patti, and she never ceases to amaze me.
ReplyDeleteHow fortunate you are, to have seen her on stage! I am a great admirer, even if I don't share her penchant for graves.
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