My friend, who folds in on herself,
does not say, ‘I am hurting too deep
for words; I am protecting myself
with a mask and a cloak; I am hiding
in a deep cave of silence, leaving only
my replica outside (acting and smiling).’
She doesn’t tell me: ‘I’m about to shatter.
If you touch me even lightly, even if
your voice is soft with sympathy, that
will be more than I can bear. Please
pretend that I am normal. Pretend
that you notice nothing. Smile!’
One by one, I see processions of her
acting on a stage. Her lines are always
word-perfect. (Not, of course, her own.)
But I can barely hear them. They fail
in the clamour of the shrieks that she
is not uttering, which I hear too loud.
I'm sharing this with Poets and Storytellers United for Friday Writings #220: Feeling Deeply. While it's about a friend's feelings, it's also about my own in response.
Wow... I think going through life we switch between these two roles frequently...sometimes enduring in silence and sometimes being the friend watching helplessly... this poem resonates so deeply...
ReplyDeleteIt was born out of that helplessness. My concern had to find expression somewhere!
DeleteIt is difficult to witness others' pain - of the thing unspoken but still there is always friendship - Jae
ReplyDeleteSo there is!
DeleteA very touching portrayal of your friend.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteOn one hand the poem screams of powerlessness at not being able to help a friend. On the other, we all play this game of pretend to a certain extent because our deepest selves we rarely tell.
ReplyDeleteSadly yes.
DeleteI have had one precious friend, no longer alive, who was exactly as your poetry described. I was devastated, completely, when she took her life. Why, why, why. I tried so often to draw her out, sharing my own pain ... to no avail. Thank you, Rosemary, for sharing your poem with us.
ReplyDeleteAlas, people must and do make their own choices. I am sure she was warmed by your friendship, even though she made the choice she did. (The two are not mutually exclusive.)
DeleteLife is strange — the world keeps pushing us to choose: what to wear, and who we’ll be today.
ReplyDeleteLife is indeed extremely strange. (My subconscious – not autocorrect, this time – almost wrote 'change' instead of 'strange'. Hmm, that works too.)
DeleteBeautiful and touching and love that heartbreaking last line How the truth shines through eventhough we think we hide it well
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to know it touched you, Marja.
DeleteFriends who can see, and bear, the truth of us are one of the most precious things in this world. Your friend is lucky to have you. I hope for gentler times for her and you.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Rommy.
DeleteYour friend is no stranger to me, A very sad situation. She feels terribly alone.
ReplyDeleteI think it comes naturally to some of us to try and deal with things inwardly and alone.
DeleteVery poignantly & realistically expressed.
ReplyDeleteThis is so true.
To understand the unexpressed and hear the unspoken takes a special friend like you.
Thank you. It goes both ways.
DeleteWords unspoken by a friend are coming loud and clear from a true friend and will be remembered forever. Lovely written and I heard them all. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteHow wonderful to make true friends through poetry, across oceans!
DeleteShe is blessed to have you, maybe your presence itself will have her healing. A very touching write.
ReplyDeleteA lovely thought, Jossina. Thank you.
Delete