I see me small, on a vast lawn – a smooth green lawn surrounded by bushes, some of them berry bushes, others flowers. There are two huge weeping willows further down the yard, one on either side of the vegetable garden past the end of the lawn, beyond the wooden trellis summer-house.
I am all alone. The two-storey back of the house looms large and flat. My mother, upstairs, sometimes looks out the distant kitchen window to check on me. Her face is tiny, far away and pale, ghost-like.
Yet I don’t feel lonely. All around me the garden throbs with life. Insects are drawn to the flowers, small birds to the berries. The willow leaves, on their long dangling fronds that sweep the ground, rustle and toss, lightly and gently, in intermittent breeze.
I talk in my mind to clouds, to birds, to insects, to berries … to the rising trunks and curtaining fronds of both the soft green willows. I talk to the listeners under the ground and the watchers behind the sky.
When they reply, it is not as if to a small child. They answer all my questions, calmly. I feel rather than hear their answers. I feel, too, their assurance of my understanding.
My young mother, enclosed in the house, does, I think (I think in hindsight) feel fearfully alone … lonely …
Written for Poets and Storytellers United, Friday Writings #219.
Nice write Rosemary 👏 It's interesting to ponder how our mother's might have felt when we were too young to even know how we felt at the time.
ReplyDeleteAnd to realise that they who seemed like such omnipotent adults to our child selves were actually still quite young and fallible.
DeleteWhat an insightful exploration of a child being aware of the world and how it can make you feel 'complete' perhaps - and that parting image of your mother is very poignant- Jae
ReplyDeleteThank you, Jae. The phrase 'looking back' turned out to be quite evocative for me.
DeleteBeautiful and I live in your world More now than as a child and I feel the contrast between the connection outside and the aloneness inside Great write ❤️
ReplyDeleteThank you, Marja.
DeleteA beautiful perspective and take on the prompt! Thank you.
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks to you, for saying so.
DeleteThe childhood - what a wonderful place to be for most of us. Thanks for taking us along to all the places that are still so vivid in your memory. I am certain that many readers unconsciously turned around, looked up and had a glimpse of a young mother watching over her child.
ReplyDeleteThat's a great thought! Thanks.
DeleteI like how you vividly describe the wondrous instinct a child has of her connection to the world and subtly contrast that with the disconnect some around us that we love might feel.
ReplyDeleteThank you for this discerning comment.
DeleteWhen I realized how young my mom had me, on top of the stress of moving to a new country and having to put her English lessons to the test, it was an eye opener. It was weird when I hit that age, and it was even weirder when my kids hit that age.
ReplyDeleteIt took me a long time to feel some understanding and sympathy for my mother.
DeleteI remember feeling that about my mother too and feeling very sad for her at the time.
ReplyDeleteIt's good (and not always easy) to find empathy for our parents.)
DeleteI wouldn't want to be alone. Yet one of a couple is doomed to be alone.
ReplyDeleteTrue, and I speak from experience when I say that it can be very hard, and must be lived through nevertheless, as best one can. Family and good friends are a help. It also helps to have interests and hobbies. They don't remove the pain, but they help us find our way through it. I always think that being a poet is a great blessing in any situation in life.
DeleteThe last line really hits home. I remember, as a young child, the relief my mother felt as my father returns safely home from work daily.
ReplyDeleteHey, you – so good to hear from you!
Delete"I talk in my mind to clouds, to birds, to insects, to berries … to the rising trunks and curtaining fronds of both the soft green willows. I talk to the listeners under the ground and the watchers behind the sky."
ReplyDeleteA lovely, soothing poem!
That's good; thanks. I'm sure we can all use a bit of soothing.
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