We who with songs beguile your pilgrimage / And swear that Beauty lives though lilies die, / We Poets of the proud old lineage / Who sing to find your hearts, we know not why ... (James Elroy Flecker)

10.6.18

When?

(Trying the Tetractys)
When?

When 
– never? –
will you feel
my eyes on you,
see my hands reaching before I can stop?

How can you remain always unaware?
I want you to
tell me of
lightning
now.

(Want
that you
know lightning.)
But I suppose
you are just someone who likes the quiet.


In Fussy Little Forms at 'imaginary garden with real toads' today, Marian invites us to attempt the tetractys. Mine's a triple tetractys (the idea being that one reverses the form with each new verse).


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17 comments:

  1. Marian10 June 2018 at 23:25

    Ah, Rosemary! I adore this one. It's wonderful! Love the parentheticals and the voice here, and the lightning.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rosemary Nissen-Wade10 June 2018 at 23:33

      Many thanks! Parricularly as I wasn't too sure how well it was working.

      Delete
  2. Kerry O'Connor10 June 2018 at 23:43

    You developed the theme very well in each separate part.

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  3. Sherry Blue Sky11 June 2018 at 01:34

    You did so well with the form, Rosemary. Excellent!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Sanaa Rizvi11 June 2018 at 01:38

    This is absolutely stunning, Rosemary!💜 Love the mood and voice in this poem. 😊

    ReplyDelete
  5. Helen11 June 2018 at 03:19

    Your poem is relatable on so many levels ....

    ReplyDelete
  6. tonispencer11 June 2018 at 06:22

    https://kanzensakura.wordpress.com/2018/06/09/after/ here is mine, such as it is. I loved your poems. The lightning...

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thylacine X11 June 2018 at 06:30

    Thank you :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Vivian Zems11 June 2018 at 07:14

    I like this tale...I take it he's on the quiet side and wants nothing to do with lightening...?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rosemary Nissen-Wade11 June 2018 at 08:31

      Yes, that's what I meant to convey. (Based on something I was watching on TV.)

      Delete
  9. purplepeninportland.com11 June 2018 at 10:19

    We need the lightening, sometimes. I like the format of this.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Kim M. Russell11 June 2018 at 15:40

    I enjoyed the asides in parentheses - in the title too! I like the hint of excitement that is just beyond reach in the lines:
    'I want you to
    tell me of
    lightning
    now.

    (Want
    that you
    know lightning.)'

    ReplyDelete
  11. Michelle 11 June 2018 at 20:04

    I love how this asks questions and allows the reader to use their imagination. :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Jim11 June 2018 at 23:37

    This was fun, Rosemary. You did well.
    ..

    ReplyDelete
  13. rallentanda12 June 2018 at 04:14

    Fun form.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Anonymous12 June 2018 at 09:04

    definitely unexpected - the idea of "lightning" - stunning and electrifying .... and just teasing enough to leave the reader wondering, how "lightning" is defined in this case .... yes, this is clever and wonderful and the form adds something to the "snap" of this - delightful and delicious .... crackle and pop .... :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Jinksy18 June 2018 at 22:44

    I so enjoyed happening across this today :-)

    ReplyDelete

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