When?

(Trying the Tetractys)


When 
– never? –
will you feel
my eyes on you,
see my hands reaching before I can stop?

How can you remain always unaware?
I want you to
tell me of
lightning
now.

(Want
that you
know lightning.)
But I suppose
you are just someone who likes the quiet.


In Fussy Little Forms at 'imaginary garden with real toads' today, Marian invites us to attempt the tetractys. Mine's a triple tetractys (the idea being that one reverses the form with each new verse).


Comments

  1. Ah, Rosemary! I adore this one. It's wonderful! Love the parentheticals and the voice here, and the lightning.

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    1. Many thanks! Parricularly as I wasn't too sure how well it was working.

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  2. You developed the theme very well in each separate part.

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  3. You did so well with the form, Rosemary. Excellent!

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  4. This is absolutely stunning, Rosemary!💜 Love the mood and voice in this poem. 😊

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  5. Your poem is relatable on so many levels ....

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  6. https://kanzensakura.wordpress.com/2018/06/09/after/ here is mine, such as it is. I loved your poems. The lightning...

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  7. I like this tale...I take it he's on the quiet side and wants nothing to do with lightening...?

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    1. Yes, that's what I meant to convey. (Based on something I was watching on TV.)

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  8. We need the lightening, sometimes. I like the format of this.

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  9. I enjoyed the asides in parentheses - in the title too! I like the hint of excitement that is just beyond reach in the lines:
    'I want you to
    tell me of
    lightning
    now.

    (Want
    that you
    know lightning.)'

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  10. I love how this asks questions and allows the reader to use their imagination. :)

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  11. This was fun, Rosemary. You did well.
    ..

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  12. definitely unexpected - the idea of "lightning" - stunning and electrifying .... and just teasing enough to leave the reader wondering, how "lightning" is defined in this case .... yes, this is clever and wonderful and the form adds something to the "snap" of this - delightful and delicious .... crackle and pop .... :)

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  13. I so enjoyed happening across this today :-)

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