forecast heavy rains
my visitor leaves for home
early, to beat floods –
drinking the extra wine
all by myself I’m lonely
*********
after the floods
my pen is paralysed
for a month –
when poetry returns
it’s on other topics
Sharing, 8 April 2022, with Poets and Storytellers United via Friday Writings #21: What's There. I wrote this a couple of weeks ago but the recent huge floods here are still very much present to me and everyone else in the area. Many people are still homeless, many roads still impassable. It will take a long time for the region to recover, physically and emotionally. I was not personally in danger, but we have all felt the stress in various ways.
I like this. Brings a whole story to the reader. I dont know how to write tanka. Perhaps I should learn. I can only do 5/7/5 haiku. Bookmarking, becuz I want to come back.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I have just been over to your blog to see a few of your haiku. I love what they say. I prefer to write them short/long/short with fewer syllables than 5/7/5 – because I learned that English syllables are much longer than Japanese units of sound. (I also learned that syllable count is the least important rule!) But occasionally I still do 5/7/5. (Often my 'haiku' are really senryu, which I think perhaps come easier to Westerners.)
DeleteTanka are traditionally 5/7/5/7/7 – or, for many of us writing them in English, short/long/short/long/long. Unlike haiku, which are supposed to be nature-based, objective, and eschewing Western-style devices such as rhyme and metaphor, tanka (which are much older in origin) can include human emotion, imaginative imagery, etc.
Love them both so much! The way the tanka veers away in the last two lines and brings the twist/ the perspective is exactly how it should be... beautiful.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Rajani.
DeleteLove the lapse this creates, like jumping over the water, and the undertone of "lonely."
ReplyDeleteThanks for the insightful comment.
DeleteI prefer the second of the two. The awe and numbness is profund.
ReplyDeleteHappy you dropped by my blog today
Much💜love
One written before, one after the recent horrendous floods here.
DeleteI can't imagine not being moved by such an event! And I always find my words flow better when I lean into a new shift in perspective when it presents itself.
ReplyDeleteYes, I think people here have been profoundly changed by this experience.
DeleteThese are wonderful tanka ... the bridge lines perfection.
ReplyDeleteSomehow they were easy to write (when I could write at all) – they were just what was there.
DeleteThey both squeeze at my heart. The first one because of the premature end of what was very likely a very good time. The second because a still pen is always a reason for pain.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you are well. And I hope other people are taken care of very soon.
Yes, my visitor – an old friend I'd not seen for a few years – and I were having a lovely reunion, until I looked at the weather forecast and suggested she'd better stay a few days longer rather than drive through 'extreme weather'. Instead, she decided to leave early ahead of what was forecast to be 'minor flooding'. Just as well she did or she'd have stuck here for a very long time. It was so much worse than forecast!
Deletethe first one shows the emotions (and dismay) the floods bring to the writer.
ReplyDeletemy pen is also paralysed (the muse too) for some time.
Sometimes when i write a tanka, i will leave a blank line after the 3rd line, for some added impact. I wonder if this can still be called a tanka. :)
I think you could still call it a tanka. It's an interesting idea. I am hoping my dashes serve the same purpose.
DeleteYes, I saw it. It serves to bring attention to the next lines. But a line break is more "eye-catching", in my opinion. :)
DeleteOh yes, I can see how it would be. I really like that idea.
DeleteNice words.
ReplyDeleteDrinking extra wine while missing a friend.
Flood has silenced pen.
Ha, nicely done. Thank you.
DeleteLove this tanka. One flows into the other. The image of a paralyzed pen is scary.
ReplyDelete