She went academic; I went witchy and esoteric.
But we’d always shared everything. There was
that serious glitch when my husband (who
was having a breakdown, unrecognised at the time)
did some shoddy carpentry for her and her husband –
but both the husbands became exes soon after that.
Then she and I reconnected. She told me all about
her new love (a wild Irish singer) and her new career.
I told her all about mine. Something in her voice
went slightly cold, a little strained, like taking a back-step.
'That's certainly a magical mystery tour,' she said carefully.
Was it ‘Reiki Master’ or ‘Tarot reader’ scared her,
or the tale of awakening to magic? Maybe it was my journey
through awareness of reincarnation, all the gradual clues.
Or was it her new status? In my time as a mere undergrad –
decades before, full of shyness and wonder –
the halls of academe had seemed to be about freedom,
adventures of thought, a nonconformist’s delight. On staff,
as I’ve gradually learned from friends, it’s now more often
about playing acceptable games, hierarchy, and saying
the approved lines. I guess you can study witchcraft,
but not from the position of believing magic is real.
(Though you’d think the Irish lover might have been cool
with all that.) Would I have compromised her standing?
Her advancement? Did I turn into an embarrassing friend? Or
did she truly despise whom I’d become? (She would have been
fascinated, once.) The off-putting was always carefully polite.
One day I decided – as intended? – I just can’t be bothered any more.
Sharing this with Friday Writings #167 at Poets and Storytellers United.
Also sharing with dVerse Open Link Night for 19 June 2025.
An interesting write. We drift apart. That can happen. It can be pointless trying too hard sometimes. (That said we shouldn't give up too easily either). But if it has to be forced, it is doomed.
ReplyDeleteIt took me quite a while to give up, but it takes two, not only to tango but also to sustain a friendship.
DeleteGood for you - plough your own furrow!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Jae.
Deletewow....a nice read....witchy stuff is fascinating. Scary too esp if one doesn't have full knowledge...i think she got plain scared :-)
ReplyDeleteYou could well be right!
DeleteI think stepping away from people, also being stepped away from, is bound to happen as we grow into very different people. Sometimes the differences are more than the friendship can handle... it is hard when it happens most of the time, I confess in more than one case, I was glad it was over! I like to think it just opens up space for the right(er) people to arrive!!! :) Love how you've told the story though...!
ReplyDeleteIt's a longish time ago now. I have to be glad of the friendship we once had, while realising we were both still growing into ourselves. That we grew in different directions was unexpected ... but c'est la vie.
DeleteYes, been there done that. Take care in that cyclone. I was surprised to hear from you because so many in the Northern Rivers have no electricity. Keep safe !
ReplyDeleteI've been very lucky so far not to have lost power. Many have, as you say, some briefly and others long-term.
DeleteHer loss. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that you have stayed safely out of harm's way so far with the cyclone.
Thanks – for both comments. Yes, very blessed re the ex-cyclone, as it's now being called. In this area flooding is now the problem, and the rain continues. I'm high enough, but won't be going anywhere for some time. Luckily, well stocked with supplies.
DeleteSometimes things happen that way.
ReplyDeletePK
Yes, I guess that's really the only way to look at it.
DeletePeople do drift apart, and some become intolerant. I've gone through that,
ReplyDeleteand it hurts at first.
And, I've learned, eventually one becomes used to it and moves on.
DeleteRosemary, it sounds like she wanted to stay in a box and you stepped out of one. It possibly could have continued if, like you said, both of you wanted to sustain it. Sounds like her box wouldn't let her. It hurts hurts hurts to lose friends you've shared so many happy memories with. There does come a time when you have to cut them loose :( Appreciate your honest telling of the trajectory.
ReplyDeletep.s. Am just starting to learn about Tarot. Fascinating to put it mildly.
Thanks for your thoughtful comment. And enjoy the Tarot! It is indeed fascinating, and for me has never lost that fascination in the several decades since I first engaged with it.
DeleteThis is so poignant ~ sometimes we come across people who don't fully understand us.. our eccentricity, passions, vices and virtues. It makes us feel like a fish out of water.. and at times, one becomes a loner. And yes, it is hard to let go.. once years of friendship have passed... but in the end.. it is for the best. ❤️❤️
ReplyDeleteI believe you're right.
DeleteLove everything about this and most especially these words
ReplyDelete:
"In my time as a mere undergrad –
decades before, full of shyness and wonder –
the halls of academe had seemed to be about freedom,
adventures of thought, a nonconformist’s delight. On staff
as I’ve gradually learned from friends, it’s now more often
about playing acceptable games, hierarchy, and saying the approved lines."
Having spent my entire career in academia, I understant this. Every day, it's a fight not to succomb to this.
Bravo for you, to still be engaged in this fight for authenticity!
DeleteI like this, it has a universality hidden among the specifics! JIM
ReplyDeleteThank you; I'm glad to be told that.
DeleteThe trouble with the Goddess movement was that Pagan religions that had authentic indigenous goddess figures hadn't done more for actual women and children. Otoh it *did* point out to us Christians some errors into which we'd fallen. The wisdom and scholarship youall put into it has not been wasted. I think of my younger self, believing I had some sort of obligation to protect rapists from themselves by considering only jobs in all-female workplaces...I believed the Bible said not to eat with homosexuals, either, which it doesn't. I believed it taught that interracial sex was a sin, too, which it doesn't. I would not have guessed that the Bible actually says a lot more about money sins than it does about sex sins. Christians needed to be reminded.
ReplyDeleteMy witchiest friend would probably have moved on in any case; she seemed just to be living at a faster pace than most of humankind. I found more congenial friends, too, and dare I hope became a better friend for them to have, after age eighteen. I'll always thank her for provoking me to read the whole Bible and not just the un-controversial devotional texts.
Interesting that it was your witchy friend who encouraged you to read the whole Bible. This witch has read it too, along with the whole of the Koran and the Bhagavad-Gita and whatever scholarly works on Buddhism I could find. In my twenties I gave myself a course of comparative religion. I came to the conclusion that all start out with the same tenets (whatever the actual wording): God is life; God is love; know thyself – then human beings add a whole heap of other stuff. I didn't embrace my witchiness until my fifties, when I realised it had always been there, I just hadn't recognised it for what it was.
DeleteI don't regard Paganism as incontrovertible truth, but rather as the spiritual path which suits me best.
Strange as it may seem, I love Jesus, and think the world would be a much better place if only we would all follow his actual teachings. As far as I can see, few do, and that includes both myself and all the Christians I happen to know. Some, however, attempt to.
Contemporary Paganism has only one ethical rule (like that of doctors): 'Do no harm.' A very difficult one indeed to live up to, for how can we know all the consequences of our actions? But it's at least worth the attempt, and the practice of remaining conscious of it.
Google! Well, you know who typed THAT comment...
ReplyDeletePK
*Grin*
DeletePeople grow apart especially as we go through different stages of our lives and have different interests. It's good you can cherish what was, even if you're no longer friends.
ReplyDeleteThat would be good. But there's a difference between growing apart and cutting someone off (however carefully polite about it) without any real explanation or honest discussion. For me, it eventually negated what was, and I just have a sort of deadness inside now about the old friendship.
DeleteBeing an only child of a single mum I've learned to be happy alone. I consider that I have many many friends in my life, people I can trust but, realistically, to other people, they are just acquaintences. It's enough for me though. I like your thoughtful write, it certainly got me thinking.
ReplyDeleteI have been widowed for nearly 13 years, so I too have learned to live alone. (Well, apart from my darling cat.) However I am very blessed in my friends, and have always put a high value on friendship. The situation described in the poem hurt a lot at the time, and still puzzles me somewhat, but I have lived long enough to shrug it off by now.
Delete