Written for Prose Pantry #3: Phobias and Fears at Poets United. The word limit is 313; this is exactly 313 without title.
Arachnophobia: a true story
In nightmares they're gigantic – much bigger than me. (I'm only four.)
Always, one comes close, looming above me, opening its cavernous mouth. Will it engulf me whole or sever my head at the neck? At this point I always wake screaming. Dad rushes in, hugs me, and says, ’It was only a dream’. He tells me happy stories until I go back to sleep.
*********
I grow. The nightmares stop. I remain afraid of spiders but learn to manage it.
As an adult, I discover they are telepathic. They'll cooperate with reasonable requests, if explained.
‘Don’t come close,' I beg. 'I won’t hurt you but I can't help being scared. And when other people come, hide. They might kill you!’ The spiders oblige.
*********
I'm in Crone years before I accept what others often remark: I'm a witch.
Uninitiated (no coven near that I know) I decide on self-dedication.
Leading up to the appointed day, I keep seeing spiders: living ones and images. The message is clear. I dedicate myself to the Goddess in Her aspect as Great Spider / Weaver.
I chance across information that the creatures of our phobias often turn out to be our totems.
*********
Suddenly I'm sick, with inexplicable symptoms. My healer friends tune in. 'Psychic attack!' They pinpoint a 'black' witch seeking to distort my energy so as to harm through me some who offended her, via a forthcoming ceremony. I cancel it. They shield me. I recover.
Soon those friends who foiled her have close encounters with deadly spiders – but escape being bitten. It’s known that Spider is her totem. Now I understand why I was guided to put myself under the protection of Spider!
The Goddess Arachne can nullify lesser spider magic. That even extends to my friends. I’m grateful.
In my house, killing spiders is forbidden. But still I’d involuntarily shriek if one came too near.
Fascinating! I like the idea that the creatures of our phobias might be our totems.
ReplyDeleteThe universe is a stubborn parent. Willing to take of her children even when they can't see the why. Such complex chain of events--from nightmares, to extreme fear, to guardian...
ReplyDeleteI like that you told the story like in happened, in snapshots, jumping without smooth transitions... It helped add to the fear factor.
P.S. We don't kill spiders in my house either. But there is often screaming (from the not-so Little Princess and my Piano Man, too, lol! calling for me to come and get a spider).
I like that, too, and also the interesting idea that they are telepathic. This was a very cool read. Ack, re the black witch! I'm glad you were shielded.
ReplyDeleteI like 'weaver'. A word weaver you are. But spider I will vacuum clean.
ReplyDeleteThat’s one thing I’ve never feared, Rosemary. I love spiders, think they are beautiful and interesting creatures. My husband doesn’t like them and groans when I tell him that they keep the flies at bay!
ReplyDeleteI like the chronology of your story from being a little four-year-old with gigantic spiders right through a life of arachnophobia. I had to smile at the thought of spiders being telepathic and I’m not too pleased to have it confirmed that the creatures of our phobias often turn out to be our totems – I have a phobia of sharks, even though I know I’ll never meet one.
I also have grown to find them beautiful
Delete"The message is clear. I dedicate myself to the Goddess in Her aspect as Great Spider / Weaver." These are the messages I love, the ones that show us how to face and transform fear. My label for publishing is Spiderhouse, and my home, too, seems a haven. I give them all my corners. I thoroughly enjoyed your story, it's pace forward in time, its dangerous moments.
ReplyDeleteI had to look up 'Arachnophobia,' .. it's interesting that creatures of our phobias often turn out to be our totems. I am terrified of cockroaches but at the same time can get rid of lizards when my sister comes screaming from the other room.
ReplyDelete3rd paragraph would have revealed the meaning. Initially it was in the first par, but to reduce the word count sufficiently I took that bit out. I don't like to be obscure! I did think of calling it 'Fear of Spiders' but it's more of a phobia; also I liked the tie-in with Arachne. Anyway – hooray for Google, which makes it so easy to look things up!
DeleteI have liked and appreciated spiders ever since I read Charlotte's Web. I'll never kill one either.
ReplyDeleteI too have had an insect make regular appearances in my life. It also came around a lot during the time I decided to self-dedicate. Luna moths. And now you know why I'm fond of them. :)
Aha!
DeleteI just looked them up (we don't have them here). Pretty things! I like what I found out about them just now:
'Luna moths represent rebirth, renewal of body and spirit, regeneration and may even symbolize the soul itself. Luna moths, like many types of moths and butterflies, are quite beautiful in appearance and have docile personalities. Their physical beauty and charm make these large moths symbols of reflection, nourishment and life.'
But you probably know that already! :)
I love the thought that our phobias can be our totems... my wife hate ants, I wonder if she could accept to be protected by them.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if you'll believe me when I tell you that ants are also telepathic. (You have to think at them with intensity and focus.) I have made arrangements with ants that they are welcome to what they find outside but must not enter my house. Initially I thought that after a few months they reneged on the agreement. Then I figured out they must have a short life cycle and the ones invading the home were the children or grandchildren of those with whom I made the agreement, and it had been forgotten. So it needs renewing often. I since checked and it is true that while the Queen of an ant colony may be very long-lived, the worker ants usually live between 6-12 months. You can't expect them to be keeping an agreement 2 years later, as they will not be the same ants; they could be 3 or 4 generations on. (Just for the record, I find mice and cockroaches uncooperative. They tend to say, 'Up you' and keep on invading, unless you find some excellent reason to persuade them – like, 'There's more food in the shed than the house' ... or getting a cat!)
DeleteEnjoyed this story, the tension and the sense of coming to wisdom. Telepathic spiders are...more than I can handle this morning. However...it would be nice to convince the tiny ones outside that they're more than welcome to crawl over me & the notebooks...as long as they avoid the backs of one's knees.
ReplyDeleteThis is absolutely fascinating Rosemary! I love the idea of what our fears are becoming our totems. I appreciate most spiders, knowing they kill other bugs lurking around, but i dont know what i would do if i saw a tarantula! 😎
ReplyDeleteIf I saw a venomous spider indoors I would kill it if I could.
DeleteWow, I learned something new about totems from your fascinating story, Rosemary. I mostly enjoyed most the idea of fear or phobia transforming into something so powerful, in your life. I don’t get to see much spiders here, but when I do I’m always fascinated by the elaborate way they weave their webs; a kind of born knowing how skill.
ReplyDeleteAnd the fact that “...creatures of our phobias often turn out to be our totems.” is both scary and curious. I'm extremely afraid of frogs. I always quicken my step whenever I encounter them, and now in spring, I see them too often for my comfort.
Interesting. That must be a phobia as I can't think of a rational reason.
DeleteI never see frogs.
Oh, except for the occasional green tree frog, which are very lovely. More often I hear them. And when I do I'm glad the cane toads haven't yet killed them all.
DeleteCuriously I never kill spiders either; flys and wasps yes, but spiders are usually politely shown the door! Mind you I haven't see a red back spider in ages fortunately.
ReplyDelete.
I kill flies and mosquitos.
Deleteinteresting, that the creatures of our phobias often turn out to be our totems.
ReplyDeletei tolerate spiders, let them be, but other household members would scream at the sight of them and i would quietly shoo them out of the house. in fact as a kid i kept fighting spiders which i caught in the woods, kept them in match boxes, and brought them to ...fights.
P.S. i thought i might have commented, but i am not too sure. so here i go again... :)
Goodness, I had no idea a phobia could be a totem. I startle at spiders, snakes, and such, but I don't really fear them. I'm most afraid of humans.
ReplyDeleteI would not recommend humanity as your totem!
DeleteDear Rosemary, your post is so interesting, and I loved it, every word.
ReplyDelete