Seemingly
‘We’re going to be such great friends,’ she said, ’I can tell.’
And so it seemed.
She too loved the land, the animals, the wild ocean. Our opinions matched on many things.
For a time we shared secrets, as part of a therapeutic writing course. We hoped this might make us brave enough to turn buried hurts into art. (It didn’t, not quite, but at least it seemed we were less alone.)
I ignored some tiny ways she tried to influence my thinking. It wasn’t as if she could. (Anyway, on most things it seemed we agreed.) She never pushed … just tried again in a new way, later – which again I sidestepped. (It surprises me, now, that we never directly addressed this. But after all, it seemed so small.)
An issue arose in our locality, which divided friends and neighbours. One turned on me, yelling fierce, ridiculous accusations. After a moment of shock, I refuted each allegation with icy politeness. My accuser, having no actual facts, blustered a bit and left. I sat down, shaking. Someone brought me a glass of water. Someone else patted my shoulder.
My ‘great friend’ stayed silent throughout this tirade. Then she too left abruptly.
Thereafter, when we encountered each other, she refused to acknowledge me. She would even cross to the other side of the street. She sided, it seemed, with my accuser.
I’d always sensed disapproval from the accuser, so when I got over the shock I was philosophical. After all, she’d never pretended to be my friend.
But the other – that hurt. Her seeming friendship, I realised, must indeed have been pretence.
Sometimes we still met, uncomfortably, at events. She’d ignore me. I tried to avoid her. Then I thought, ‘No, I have a right to be here.’ I started greeting her in passing, getting in her face but not waiting for replies. Finally I turned up at a fund-raiser she was hosting, knowing she’d be forced to speak to me –welcomingly – in the reception line. She put a good face on it, seemingly genuine.
‘Gotcha!’ I thought.
But the triumph felt hollow. Time to let go, move on.
From appearances, now, it would seem we never knew each other.
From appearances, now, it would seem we never knew each other.
A 369-word story for Writers' Pantry #9 at ‘Poets and Storytellers United’.
(Is it autobiography? Not exactly. Is it fiction? Not altogether.)
(Is it autobiography? Not exactly. Is it fiction? Not altogether.)
This connects at so many levels, considering we live in such a polarized world that is getting right in the middle of all kinds of relationships in the most disagreeable manner. This is a story that will resonate with a lot of people.
ReplyDeleteThis piece was painful for me to read, Rosemary, as it reminds of the situation my youngest sister, which has so far lasted seven years. In that time I caught a glimpse of her once at the care home where I was visiting our mother – as soon as she saw me she turned on her heel and left – and then at our mother’s funeral, where she didn’t even acknowledge me and my husband, my daughter and her husband, and two of my husband’s brothers. It hurts.
ReplyDeleteOften friends grow away from each other for the smallest or silliest of reasons., then it needs a joint acceptance that their problem is not that important and begin again...or not. A few of my school friends from over seventy years ago are still in contact and that is a nice feeling though we are on other sides of the world!
ReplyDeleteAh, so often the case. Nice one.
ReplyDeletekeyudos
Yeah, I have been in similar places in my life. The initial break always stings a little, but give it a few months and then I'll be celebrating having someone like that out of my life.
ReplyDeleteI have not really felt this, but I do sometimes see how far some friends of mine have diverted in values (maybe it's me too)... to have someone siding with an aggressor would of course hurt even more. The world today seem to be more and more polarized.
ReplyDeleteI guess we've all been (or currently are) there, but you capture it perfectly for us. Thanks, Rosemary!
ReplyDeleteSuch a heartfelt write Rosemary. Its never a nice situation to find oneself in
ReplyDeleteHappy Sunday
(✿◠‿◠)
much love
This resonates on so many levels, Rosemary!💝 I relate to the hurt and confusion that one feels upon being abandoned.. that too.. for petty reasons. I was friends with a girl once in college. We'd enrolled together and shared a deep bond for seven years. Then suddenly, one day she cut off all ties with me and disappeared. I was overwhelmed with grief as I had a small circle of friends and she was the closest.
ReplyDeleteI met her again after a year at our convocation and confronted her politely. The reasons she gave were shocking. It took every ounce of will power I had not to cry as I turned away and opted to leave. Sometimes people fail us. It doesn't matter how nice we are to them or how much we care but I have learned with time not to take it too personally. 💝
This leaves me wanting to know more about the situation. Now....that is good writing !
ReplyDeleteThis one hits home in the age of extreme partisan divide. Icy politeness ...yes, I think that's the way to go!
ReplyDeleteThis has teeth. The evocation of the pitfalls and hidden agendas in close relationships (or the expectation of similarities where none exist) is well--and uncomfortably--done.
ReplyDeleteYour story resonates, Rosemary. It's funny how we always choose to ignore those small tiny ways that makes us uncomfortable or doubtful, only to be proved later that our hunch was correct the first time. But I like how you end your piece, "Time to let go, move on". Acceptance of what is, helps bring closure. Brilliant write!
ReplyDeleteHuman beings can be cruel in their ways, sometimes. We live and learn. A great shame, she’s so immature. A good tale.
ReplyDeleteThis recalled a similar and equally painful time in my past, when someone in the name of friendship did a hurtful thing. I can recall saying "I needed a friend, not a demonstration". The exact situation fades in memory, but the hurt lingers. I've no doubt the recount of the experience was cathartic. Aren't we lucky we have our words to turn to?
ReplyDeleteThis seems to happen to so many of us, but somehow it always feels like a terrible surprise. We almost always feel like we know the people we spend our time with, the hearts we give our love to... so when they turn around and kick us in the ribs we can barely breathe. But it gets better. And if it doesn't, at least we know how to avoid most of the hurt.
ReplyDeleteA real story. Well penned.
ReplyDeleteA sad ending that comes all too often to those false faces that come into our lives. This is too familiar but it doesn't make it comforting that it occurs to others.
ReplyDeleteSomethings are never going to be resolved. It took me a long time to accept that. Hurt to art. There you go, after all.
ReplyDeleteHa, so I do!
DeleteWe have to be tough, don't we
ReplyDeleteI've a few like that, unwarranted insults. A few times a year I do as you, in a public area where acting nice will get by. But not a thing has changed, I'd like an apology.
..
From such, I fear it is a waste of time to hope for apologies.
DeleteVery well told … I was carried along from start to finish. It is often impossible to know exactly what is going on in people's minds, if they don't tell you. At this point, there are really only a dozen or so folks that I really try to sort out where-and-why things went south. They are open, care about the relationship and are willing to meet me half way. The ones who can't do that, simply aren't worth the trouble of trying to 'please' them.
ReplyDeleteEvery person on Earth can say with confidence: "Nobody knows me like I know me."
ReplyDeleteIt is hard to lose someone you value...
ReplyDelete