for Dallas
Known, though not at once identified
(the news came later) your shadowy presence
lifted me from sleep, your spirit waking mine.
***
The only other bedside we ever shared
was a hospital one, when I came to visit
your newborn son and his mother.
Though ours was not a sensual love,
you surprised me one time —
a light goodbye kiss.
You were being transferred.
Letters at least were free, until the years
of your sentence elapsed.
What was real we decided gradually: you
untrusting, wary; me uncertain ... at that first
prison poetry workshop, 40 years gone.
A revision of an earlier version which I thought was too lacklustre to adequately commemorate this long and dear friendship.
It's an important poem to me, because it was an important relationship. I'd love feedback on how it's working now, e.g. do you think it needs more detail, more explanation?
Sharing with Friday Writings #162 at Poets and Storytellers United.
So much complexity in this. So much to ponder.
ReplyDeleteI hope that doesn't mean it 's obscure! Hopefully just that it was an unusual friendship which began in very unusual circumstances. And finished that way too, I guess — though for me it's not all that unusual for people I'm very close to (some friends, some relatives) to come to say goodbye just after they pass.
DeleteThis builds into a very powerful ending - all peppered with wonderful emotions - Jae
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteI just felt this whole poem...so many emotions in it...and I feel them all the more deeply having read the book. Maybe this is why we were created/ we evolved... with all that feeling - to create bonds, to be bonded...even those the world might think are the most unlikely ones.
ReplyDeleteYes, you may very well be right.
DeleteYou provided a window through which there are glimpses into an unlikely relationship that started wary and became truly loving with time and understanding.
ReplyDeleteYes.
DeleteThis poem lacks no luster any more. One can really visualize the people, and feel the emotions.
ReplyDeleteAh, I'm glad. Thank you.
DeleteThe strength of your connection comes through in this piece. Romance isn't always needed to feel deeply and found family can come into our lives in so many different ways.
ReplyDeleteYes, I used to call him my 'psychic twin'. We were so on the same wavelength, despite very different life circumstances when we first met.
DeleteYou began with a powerful epigraph which set the stage for the poetry that followed. I am beyond touched by your words, your remembrance of the friendship.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Helen. That's very good to hear.
DeleteIt's very terse, but clear.
ReplyDeletePK
Thank you for giving it some thought. Perhaps it's not finished yet. I'm glad of the clarity, and I'll have another look at it to see if I might moderate the terseness.
Delete
ReplyDeleteThe first poem, though brief, shows a strong psychic connection between 2 persons. Looking at the title, one knows of the loss of of a person. How is that person connected to the narrator? Is he (or she) a family member, a lover? We can only guess, but that is good.
The second one, yes there is more meat in the pot, it shows what type of person Dallas is, how you all met, the friendship forged, but i feel it somehow lost its poignancy, that certain loss as can be felt in the first poem.
Just my opinion, Rosemary. I love both poems.
Your opinion is valuable, thank you for it. And you make good points. Perhaps there may need to be a third version, combining the best of both these two. I am at least sure the original sevenling form was too restrictive for this subject.
DeleteI love the wariness on either side, so hard to trust even a friendship.
ReplyDeleteYes, very tricky circumstances.
Delete