The noise in her head
is made of voices –
her family’s voices
lifelong and blaming,
the voice of the former husband
whispering insults
just before he hit,
the voices of other women
scornful, demanding to know
why she didn’t just go …
The voices of landlords
asking more and more money
for hovels, refusing repairs;
the voices of addicts
her neighbours
yelling and screeching
all hours; and the voices
of not-friends-after-all
excusing themselves
from going out for a coffee.
Her voice, as she tries
to make sense of all this
talking to me,
is surprisingly clear.
‘Why’ she asks,
‘can we not find compassion?’
She blames COVID isolation
from which we haven’t recovered,
and the young eyes always on phones,
not looking outward to other people.
I see also an older pattern
still not gone from the world:
a woman alone, no man
beside her to demand
the automatic respect
she deserves in her own right.
I can do nothing practical, only listen,
tell her she’s making sense (she is)
and hope my one small voice
provides some momentary relief.
Sharing with Poets and Storytellers United for Friday Writings #248, where we are invited to write about a type of noise, literal or metaphorical. (It seems I might need to explain, for some readers, that the 'she' here is not me. I am the listener, observer and narrator.)
Listening is a practical gift as well as emotional I think - and the story resonates and it is sad to think the pattern of relationships is considered more 'normal' than the voice of any woman (or man) in despair - Jae
ReplyDeleteYes – as this friend I've written of has sadly discovered.
DeleteOh rosemary I hope its not your voice but I guess it is. I look up to you as a wise and sweet and strong woman and if these are your voices, you have done well
ReplyDeleteThank you, Marja, but she isn't me. I'm one of the very few who is willing to listen and can hear her clearly. It's true that I too had some destructive voices in my head when I was younger – and luckily some excellent listeners also, who helped me grow 'wise and sweet and strong.' But they were professionals, which I am not, and I feel very helpless to be able to assist. But perhaps, as Jase suggests, just listening has some practical value.
DeletePS I hasten to add that none of my three husbands ever hit me! Nor offered any kind of violence, physical or emotional.
DeleteThe poem is beautifully written.
ReplyDeleteI feel deeply for the listener of that voice. The external voices may eventually be ignored with practice, but the more difficult task is to make peace with the voice within—the ever-present witness that judges us, rebukes us, and dictates what we should and should not expect.
I think she is doing quite well really, as she knows the criticisms were unfair, but yes I think she has ingested some learned self-criticism also, as she is prone to apologising without need.
DeleteIt is a soothing balm to be heard and understood without judgement. You're a good friend and listener, Rosemary.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I do hope so!
DeleteExcellent and touching!
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteListening is important. Ressurrect the deeply buried self esteem and be the best friend to yourself......Rall
ReplyDeleteI think she is part of the way there.
DeleteIt sounds like she is doing that to herself. Therapy might help to interrupt the stories repeating as if on tape.
ReplyDeleteYes, I hope that she might seek therapy at some stage.
DeleteHuman voices in whatever situations always sound nice and beautiful in the beginning. It gets unnecessarily entangled if it is allowed to gather momentum. Very nicely done, Rosemary!
ReplyDeleteHank
Thank you, Hank.
Delete