NaHaiWriMo 2021 Days 1-7
(Responding to prompts at the NaHaiWriMo facebook group)
Day 1: Monday morning
days’ edges blur
in the time of COVID –
is this Monday?
Day 2: Dreams
my dreams
keep waking me –
what’s real?
Day 3: Landslide
behind my lids
houses collapse and fold
over and over
Earlier version:
behind my eyes
houses concertina
repeatedly
Day 4: I’m so afraid
darkened sky
cancelling daylight –
storm or fire?
Day 5: Songbird
solitary –
a magpie warbling
at dawn
Earlier version:
one distant song –
a magpie warbling
alone at dawn
Day 6: The chain
her old gate –
the rusty chain
dangling
Day 7: Tusk
his tool and weapon
his own greatest danger –
his ivory tusks
Dear readers, I'm open to suggestions for improving these; also would appreciate opinions on alternative versions where applicable.
I love the way this series is based on the days of the week, Rosemary. Days 1 and 2 are so apt and identifiable. I’ve only ever seen a landslide on television or film, but ‘houses collapse and fold’ is a perfect way to describe the feeling of uncertainty and fear I have been feeling for the past year. The warbling magpie is a familiar sound, we have one that visits our garden, which I hope will become more than one this spring! I prefer the later version.
ReplyDeleteYour magpie is a different species from ours, Kim. One of our poets once described the song of our magpie as 'carolling' and it's very apt. It's such a musical song, I always think that nightingales (which I confess I haven't heard) could not be more beautiful.
DeleteLike the earlier landslide, but the recent magpie.
ReplyDeleteLots of little gems here Rosemary and to recognise too - yr first stanza in particular! I also especially the concertina of the houses, the dangle of the rusty chain at the gate and the way you use ivory tusks - all very vivid and effective...
ReplyDeleteSeveral years ago I wrote a lot of some pretty average Haiku poetry (and haibun) and seeing alternative versions like yours gives me an itch again. Although it's fun to try all forms of poetry eventually the prompts subject normally sets the style of my writing now.
ReplyDeleteHappy February
ReplyDelete(✿◠‿◠)
much love...
So dreamy. I love the day condensed so. Very potent that way. Thanks for fixing my link.
ReplyDeleteYour awareness of human nature is succinctly captured in your poems. And the "Landslide" image is so vivid, in the revised version.
ReplyDeleteLovely words. I enjoyed watching the solitary magpie warbling at dawn. Here's hoping danger for the tusks is eradicated for good. It's just sad. Storm or fire? Storm anytime. I imagine Hepzibah on Day 6. This is so much fun.
ReplyDeleteI like them all very much, Rosemary, especially the journalistic feel of them. Like J Cosmo, I prefer the first version of "Landslide" and the second version of "Songbird".
ReplyDeleteP.S. Thank you for introducing me to NaHaiWriMo.
Rosemary, in my opinion both edited versions are better than the previous ones--that being said, I love this--especially where you start and where you end up--great write!
ReplyDeleteMy favorites are 5 and 7, but I like them all and feel the edited versions are improved. I looked up the song of the Australian magpie, and found it unrelated to mine, the Black-Billed. Mine are corvids and sound like squawking jays!
ReplyDeleteYes; see my reply to Kim above. Hearing our magpie singing in the clear dawn is hauntingly beautiful.
DeleteI'm drawn to the Dreams one. Possibly because things feel extra surreal with the back to back snow storms keeping us even more shut in than usual.
ReplyDeleteThanks in particular to those who left comments about alternate versions. Much appreciated!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the intro to NaHaiWriMo are my faves
ReplyDelete4 and 6 are my faves
Landslide earlier version
Songbird recent version
question marks - only very occasionally
Your edits were perfect. I love each one of these. The first two speak right to the heart of what we're living.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your snapshot haiku.
ReplyDeleteEmpathy for the elephant.
ReplyDelete