Pulling My Punches
American by birth, Aussie by choice, my husband Andrew’s best mate, he became my friend too. When he returned to the States for some years, he‘d phone Andrew late in our night: long, philosophical discussions so fascinating that I’d join in. We could hardly bear to hang up, despite the hour.
He came back and went the rounds, catching up with old friends before settling in Queensland – staying a bit longer with us, due to a sudden heart attack! After the operation, he came back to us to convalesce.
Something came on the news about some U.S. TV announcer. It meant nothing to us. He, more aware, growled scornfully, ‘She’d be a left-leaning liberal!’ – like that was a BAD thing.
‘Hang on,' I thought. 'That's what I am.’ So was Andrew. But we were both shocked speechless. The moment passed; he was oblivious.
After Andrew died, this friend phoned every few weeks to check on me – the only one who did. It helped.
We still had wonderful, long conversations about all sorts of topics.
Eight years later, this still happens; now every few months. We sign off with, 'I love you.' It’s always been perfectly platonic, no spark, but we enjoy the talks. He’s a mate in the Aussie sense: we’d have each other’s backs.
Spiritually we usually agree. He’s New Age mystical, I’m Pagan; near enough.
He still takes an interest in America. Lately his political utterances bring me up short. I’ve argued a couple, gently. We’ve met in the middle … outwardly, but not really altering each other’s views. Often I’m reduced to non-committal murmurs rather than take issue with such a friend. Yet, how real the friendship if I don’t tell my truth?
Most recently, he declared Coronavirus fake, designed to put us all into fear and force us to accept vaccination. He called the Premier of Victoria – whose stringent measures have kept that State relatively safe – Despot Dan.
‘You know who I’m talking about?’
‘Oh yes, I know who you mean.’
I didn’t add that in my opinion Dan's a hero.
Yes, I’m a coward. I expect I’ll have to have it out some day. I keep hoping the contentious issues will all blow over first.
369 words written in response to Weekly Scribblings #56: Hit Me With Your Best Shot, at Poets and Storytellers United.
(And no, the friend concerned never reads my blog.)
Here we call guys like that "pastel Q". You've got to hand it to QAnon, they come up with the craziest nonsense, but manage to spread it as efficiently as the coronavirus. There's at least one acquaintance of mine who is a COVID denier, but I've more slunk off into the shadows than confront that craziness.
ReplyDeleteIf it were just an acquaintance I probably wouldn't even worry about engaging. Some fights are simply unwinnable. While I don't believe I can change my friend's mind, I do think it's dishonest to keep allowing him to think I must agree with him, and because he is a friend the dishonesty matters.
DeleteI know someone like that!
ReplyDeleteSadly, at this time I expect we all do.
DeleteIt's hard, it really is, having friends who do not share our political or religious views. I have several such friends, and to keep the peace (and our friendship), there are topics that I simply avoid or sidestep adroitly. Privately, however, I pray that these people will lay aside their prejudices and ignorance, and embrace truth. There's enough division and contention in this world already without my causing more. In the end (and I truly believe this), love will have the last word--and that means I don't have to have it!
ReplyDeleteOh, I love what you say, especially your closing remarks. Trouble is, this friend and I cannot simply agree to differ, as so far I have failed to make it clear to him that we do differ.
DeleteWell said Magical....Rosemary, he has been a true friend to you when no one else bothered....you have to make allowances....after all he has been living in Queensland for some time now( shudder :)
DeleteHa ha ha! There is that.
DeleteMaybe if known Deniers were turned away when they attempted to access the already over-stressed hospital service....
ReplyDeleteI imagine by that time they must have stopped being deniers.
DeleteThank you much for sharing, Rosemary. I could write a letter here.
ReplyDeleteMrs. Jim lost her sister and our daughter lost a husband to COVID-19. It is real. I had my second vaccine jab yesterday, Mrs. Jim is scheduled for Saturday. I am scheduled for having cateract surgery tomorrow.
And, . . . I am probably the most Liberal Republican in Texas. trump was not my president, he had bad names for me along with ladies and other than him ethnic folk. In 1980 I ran for office as a Dem, had 49%+ votes but lost.
Our friends, Husband and wife and grandson Marched at Washington D.C. answering trump's call. They heard his last speech but left when they saw things were getting rough.
I don't give trump any honor, don't capitalize his name.
Rosemary, if you'd like you can erase this and I'll write a behave note. But that's how it is here.
..
Happy to have your honest reply here, Jim! Obviously it has been very painful for you and yours. Perhaps it's important that that stay on the record.
DeleteOh my, I fear the contentious issues will not fade in my lifetime. Like you, I prefer not pulling punches ~ getting into it with family I love dearly who sit on the opposite side of the fence, politically and spiritually. This is beautifully composed. My OZ friend in Bateman’s Bay is aligned with me! Cheers.
ReplyDeleteMostly I tell myself that trying to change people's minds is probably a waste of time and effort – but with some people, it seems unfathomable. 'But you're normally so intelligent!' I want to scream. Perhaps intelligence is irrelevant. One of my husbands used to say: 'Bullshit baffles brains'. It does seem to, in many cases. Perhaps the bullshitters have taken lessons from Goebbels. What was it? "If you tell a lie loudly enough and often enough....'
DeleteOh, that's my brother, but for the New Age. I thought they were more liberal? My brother told me the virus was the Democrats way to get rid of Trump. I did point out that it was in all countries and surely they weren't "in on it" too. Now he things the teachers "don't want to work" is why the schools are closed, at the same time saying his son-in-law oversees the grandkids' Zoom lessons. I just sighed, didn't bother to ask just who he thinks is on the other end of those Zoom lessons. He's always been the only one like him in the family. Not sure what happened!
ReplyDeleteI know a few 'New Age' people who swallow every conspiracy theory if it's dressed up in enough 'alternate reality' language.
DeleteI have a dear and beloved niece who somehow has fallen prey to the lies and misinformation of our ex-president. Our conversations are much like those you've mentioned here, and I, too, have managed to pull my punches because I love her so dearly!
ReplyDeleteI guess in some cases one just has to do a lot of praying!
DeleteSometimes I feel that way about right-wingers. Sometimes I feel that way about left-wingers. What was really fun, though, was working with a right-wing writer (old, blind, grumpy, one of the best men I've ever known) and a left-wing writer (young, baby-faced, vulnerable looking, one of the toughest and most adventurous women I've ever known) at the same time. It was fun because although they had very little in common, they were fine human beings and appreciated that about each other. He didn't often read D's books and she didn't often read R stuff, but they read each other's.
ReplyDeleteIt would be nice if your polarized conservative friend were able to un-polarize enough to respect the good qualities of work and people that don't agree with his views.
Once upon a time (when I was growing up) that was considered normal behaviour. (So was 'being a good sport' and also cheering when the OTHER side scored a goal.) I guess times have changed.
DeleteTough situation Rosemary. I’ve never been one to pull punches — like Popeye, I yam who I yam. I figure that if being who I am causes others to reject me — then I haven’t lost much that matters. I am also one who believes “to each their own”, and I’ll sort out who I personally want to be close to. Very honest piece you’ve written here.
ReplyDeleteHmmm, I realise it is not so much rejection I fear in this case, so much as wounding my friend and the possibility of misunderstandings all round. But it comes to much the same thing – the possible end of a great friendship.
Delete