Learning to Swear Better [Revision]

‘Lonely?’ they asked, ‘Now 

that you’re on your own?

Get a pet’ they said. 

‘A faithful dog

or a sweet little kitty.’

But no, I went out 

and bought a parrot. 

I thought it would be

the ideal companion:

communicative. 

I thought I’d teach it

to talk. Ha ha to that! 

It must have had

a previous owner. Or, 

maybe the pet shop man …? 

No. This bird could only

have belonged to a pirate.

Talk about language!

I could just see him sitting 

on Long John Silver’s shoulder.

The first time

I dropped something

and uttered a mild ‘Damn!’

he went to town,

as if it was a cue.

Astounded by that stream 

of colourful invective,

I didn’t have a clue 

what half of it meant.

But it sounded amazing. 

And you can find 

anything on Google,

even the worst words. 

Next time I listened closely,

looked them up and learned. 

Now I’m a pro!

It’s fun living alone –

except for my parrot, 

who teaches me 

all the best words.

[Earlier version.]