I hear your song – the liquid gold
that floats, enticing me: ‘Take hold!
Reach up into the cool night air!’
But I am not so crazy bold.
How could I grasp a song that flies
like fire across the darkening skies?
Its molten edges twist and fray,
an evanescent cloud of lies.
Your voice is beautiful; your words
are gleaming bright, but they are swords.
I know by now the shape of pain:
these notes are blades, not singing birds.
The music pierces to my heart,
and yet I say we shall not start
the bright duet you’re offering.
Tempter begone! Be off! Depart!
Another Rubaiyat for Poetry Forms – The Rubaiyat at dVerse. This time I decided to try the option of using tetrameter. The metre is not quite perfect; even Shakespeare understood that a strict metre may need to be varied slightly to avoid monotony (smile). Even so, this took a lot of work, a lot of attention to detail and experimenting with the best ways to employ the rhymes.
Another Rubaiyat for Poetry Forms – The Rubaiyat at dVerse. This time I decided to try the option of using tetrameter. The metre is not quite perfect; even Shakespeare understood that a strict metre may need to be varied slightly to avoid monotony (smile). Even so, this took a lot of work, a lot of attention to detail and experimenting with the best ways to employ the rhymes.
As for the content, it's an imaginary situation – though I'm sure we've all experienced similar things at times.
Also linking this one to the Tuesday Platform, In these times of love and oppression, at 'imaginary garden with real toads'.
Also linking this one to the Tuesday Platform, In these times of love and oppression, at 'imaginary garden with real toads'.
Great imagery and the liquid gold is a perfect metaphor.
ReplyDeleteThis is incredibly potent, Rosemary! ❤️ I held my breath throughout the Rubaiyat especially here: "How could I grasp a song that flies like fire across the darkening skies?" Woww!❤️
ReplyDeleteOh, your take on this form is so enjoyable — the rhyme and rhythm add into the allure of such imagery and thoughts. I loved this bit particularly: "How could I grasp a song that flies/like fire across the darkening skies?"
ReplyDeleteA masterful use of form, Rosemary. I too especially noted the line Sanaa quoted. Wow!
ReplyDelete"these notes are blades, not singing birds" That is powerful. I can understand why you wouldn't want to sing that duet. I love this!
ReplyDeleteWow! Loved the imagery, Rosemary. :)
ReplyDeleteEnticed but not crazy bold. This is an enticing rhyme, you did well, Rosemary. Getting to the Heart is like religion and gettng to Heaven. Men are helped by the Mother Mary of through his Stomach while romantic things go straight to a woman's Heart.
ReplyDelete..
It's always best to avoid a path you know is just going to lead to disaster. Better to be patient and find something more suitable to what you want, and skip the mind-games.
ReplyDeleteNice sound. And good reminder that some words can be as harmful as blades.
ReplyDelete"an evanescent cloud of lies"......I like this, it's a turning point, a generator of heat in the poem ! The metre sounds fine to my ear!
ReplyDeletethis really flows and is clear and coherent and yes been there before
ReplyDeleteWonderful rhythm. I particularly like "blades, not singing birds". (K)
ReplyDeleteI love this... you tell a story we have all seen... the third stanza is my favorite the way you used swords and blades really told me of the danger with a person like that.
ReplyDeletewords can hurt and damage deeply. i too find it hard to concentrate on both meter and rhyme and sometimes have to sacrifice one for the other.
ReplyDeleteThis is full of very engaging imagery Rosemary. Strength flows through in the act of resistence. Your crafting of the form reads fluid and comfortable. Well written! :-)
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