Hello Earth
Here again I come to talk to you. Or do I talk to myself? Something answers. (Someone?)
Earth, is it you who faces me with aspects of myself I've been avoiding? What matters, I suppose, is that they do arise so that I see and look at them. Is it any good, I wonder, when they are so full of contradictions? (See — contradiction right there, in those last two sentences.)
Leaning in towards my own centre, I admit a truth: the bed is lonely. That’s why I take so many hours before getting into it each night. Yet I am not craving passionate encounters, and in fact I like my aloneness in many ways. Not being responsible for nor accountable to an other is a freedom, an enjoyment, a huge relief. I have become adapted, and would be reluctant to change that now. It is not the mind nor the heart that craves companionship; it’s the body. And no, not passion but simple touch. That human need. Some other body, human or animal, to cuddle up to on cold nights. Everyone urges me to get another pet. No, it’s not that straightforward; there are real, practical reasons why I couldn’t look after an animal properly any more. I’m too much of an animal lover to be selfish about it. I cuddle my soft toys instead — the teddy bears, the tiger, the baby leopard.
Listing gratitudes — self-awareness is a thing to be grateful for, and the way that evolves through putting words on paper (or, these days, on a screen). I’m grateful words are my ‘thing’: they serve me so well. What a blessing to have been born with! You can keep your maths and science, even your music. If I couldn’t have it all, still I’m beyond grateful to have this. And if words don’t keep me warm at night, they at least help me find what will. My soft toys. My happy memories. My extraordinary luck for circumstances that make me both privileged and blessed.
Offering my inner truth to you, Earth, I am able to offer it simultaneously to whoever will read this. Once I confront and acknowledge them, there is no more fear or embarrassment around these personal facts — they just are.
Shared with Poets and Storytellers United at Writers' Pantry #39
Hello. ‘Tis a beautiful thing when sharing personal musings touches us in a profound way ~~ as it has me.
ReplyDeleteWe all have our loves and habits. Curiously my wife had a warm heat bag in the shape of a small poodle! With our weather just thinking about Spring I must confess the dog is warmed up keep me warm! Strangely he often chooses the floor to sleep on, I am not sure which of us makes the move!
ReplyDeleteI don’t think we ever truly talk to ourselves, Rosemary. Someone or something is always listening, and if it is the Earth, that’s wonderful. I am not embarrassed to admit that I can’t sleep when my husband is away; as Joni Mitchell wrote, “the bed’s too big, the frying pan’s too wide”, and I can’t imagine being without him all the time. Putting words on paper keeps me sane – and my cats.
ReplyDeletethat simple touch is so important, isn't it? it reassures, it shows others care.
ReplyDeleteYour beautiful write touched a chord in me. I've been alone for many years and I treasure my independence. But at certain times, when I allow it, I long for an arm about my shoulders and a strong voice saying "Don't worry, baby. I'll take care of it", or the front door to open and that familiar voice way "Honey, I'm home!" Sometimes still it happens in my dreams. Thank you for that write, Rosemary!
ReplyDeleteI have this weird thing that, when a car drives up our street, even though I know better I have an instant of thinking it's him arriving home.
DeleteEnjoying this series. Cuddly stuff toys made great bedtime pals
ReplyDeleteHappy Sunday, thanks for dropping by my Sumie Sunday today
Much💓love
Somehow this form moves from confession to conversation and it takes me by surprise.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your heart with us. Life at its simplest can be most beautiful.
ReplyDeleteSay hello to the cuddle bears from me.
ReplyDeleteAnd along comes the age of corona, making it even harder to get simple needs, like a hug from a friend, met. I'm glad you've found a way to work through it. I have special plushies too that I wouldn't ever dream of letting go of.
ReplyDeleteRosemary, you speak to my heart. You speak my heart. Your insights are universal
ReplyDeleteI believe that your words reach the ears and hearts of many: the Earth, us. We heard them and feel them deeply. The need for touch, for instance, is one that echoes in the skin of so many people these days. It makes me think of babies that grow ill because they aren't held enough. I'm sending you virtual hugs. I know they aren't enough, but I'm sending them anyway.
ReplyDeleteThis is one of my favorite "Hello Earth" pieces. It's just stunning... and real.