The Fracturing
Uncertainty does not make good poems,
Uncertainty does not make good poems,
it makes me dither and fumble.
Mine is a new uncertainty, at a time
when I expected none.
After all these years of life, I expected
to keep on knowing
who I am, what I do, my ideas, my loves,
the places I’ve arrived at
and am well used to inhabiting –
not this strange new
wavering, flickering, drifting, out-of-control
process of rediscovery.
Am I becoming a new me?
Vistas open for a moment and beckon,
seem to close over,
then I glimpse them again. This repeats
constantly. It's unsettling.
The truth is, I am alone, and life keeps on
happening rapidly:
new people, new events, changes
to dress and home.
Pretty soon there won’t be a trace
Pretty soon there won’t be a trace
of the me you’d know ...
if you used to know me. I don’t know me.
I looked for an image of a cubist face but couldn't find one that was clearly out of copyright, so I scribbled one of my own.
Written for Poets United's Midweek Motif: Poems to weather uncertain times, and for Poetic Blooming's JULY P.E.O.D. MEMOIR CHAPBOOK CHALLENGE – JULY 3: THE HARDEST THING which asks us to write about one of the hardest things we've had to deal with.
Written for Poets United's Midweek Motif: Poems to weather uncertain times, and for Poetic Blooming's JULY P.E.O.D. MEMOIR CHAPBOOK CHALLENGE – JULY 3: THE HARDEST THING which asks us to write about one of the hardest things we've had to deal with.
"Am I becoming a new me?" I think this is true for everyone. We change towards a better understanding of self may be through this 'process of rediscovery'. Love this reflective poem.
ReplyDeleteThis is incredibly evocative, Rosemary 💖 I guess a person keeps on evolving with the passage of time .. we continue to grow and become the best version of ourselves. Life is a continous journey of rediscovering 😊 Thank you so much for writing to the prompt.💖
ReplyDeleteI am glad that I was able to find it today. The timing worked out quite perfectly.... Thank you for such a great reflective piece !! As they say, through the darkest nights of your soul, a light shines forth....lovely!!
ReplyDeleteThis, for me, is a very compelling and authentic piece. Although what you describe here is unsettling, Rosemary, I suspect it is a healthy process. I have seen a number of people who – as they age – seem to get (for lack of a better word) 'locked-in' to who they are. All around them, information and social mores were changing ... but they ceased to change a scintilla. It seemed to me, that in order to do that – they stopped questioning. In particular they stopped questioning themselves. It may sound harmless enough, but in my experience, when people stop asking themselves: “How do I want to BE in this – everchanging – world”, it is downhill from there. One of the great saddnesses of my life was having a ring-side seat as someone I loved very much, blew out every candle she had ever lit, in the last 20 years of her life ... as slowly, she seemed to lose the ability (or inclination) to really take a hard look at her motives and how her thoughtless choices were affecting those around her. She may have 'coasted' in her final years, but I don't think that, even she, enjoyed the ride.
ReplyDeleteWhat may feel like uncertainty may very well be your unconscious whispering: 'hm-m-m-m: what do I want to make of this'.
This piece gives me pause ... and that is a very good thing. Wonderful writing. Thanks, Rosemary.
Thanks, Wendy, for your wise and insightful words. Gosh, that's a very salutary story you told, of the woman who blew out her own candles! I guess there is no staying still; one must choose to go forwards or risk slipping backwards.
DeleteThe only answer is to embrace the new you. Change is fine (so long as it is for the better) the sad part is yearning for a special part of your past like inocence, youth and the fitter you that doesn't ache!
ReplyDeleteI think you're absolutely right!
DeleteThe truth is, I am alone, and life keeps on
ReplyDeletehappening rapidly....
To try and find answers - who we are, why and why not - I think the world is better because of people who introspect and adapt and discover. Feeling the uncertainty is certainly the beginning of that quest.
Your poem has spoken to me, Rosemary, and I identify with it. Uncertainty is a worry, especially when we reach a certain age, when we need to know what the future holds, I love the pivot, the question and the reassurance that nothing stops, and we continue to evolve and discover new things.
ReplyDeleteThis is such an evocative and reflective piece, Rosemary. I guess the way to deal with the new self is to embrace and make the best of change, and experiences thrown our way. We can't stay the same, so onward we go.
ReplyDeleteRosemary- I so identify with your words. I remember when I approached my fifties (seems like forever ago!) I had an identity crisis. What do I wear now? Am I old? It was awful. These days, I am how I am, love it or leave it! LOL. Well done.
ReplyDeleteI relate to this poem on every level. Who am I, and will I stay the same. No,
ReplyDeletebecause changes in the world will impact you.