We who with songs beguile your pilgrimage / And swear that Beauty lives though lilies die, / We Poets of the proud old lineage / Who sing to find your hearts, we know not why ... (James Elroy Flecker)

10.4.21

A Metaphor Poem

 A Metaphor Poem


I don’t do metaphor very well any more.

Too many years of haiku and ‘small stones’

focused on the present and immediate.


I could tell you this poem is a dark orchid,

arising pure and bright from the wilderness 

that is me. I could tell you it’s a fire brick


able to contain my inner heat – how macabre!

Could you decipher from that the wonder 

you seek in a poem, the honeydew sweetness?


Can the quaver in its voice be an innuendo

too intimate to subdue? Is the poem tragic,

a wounded heart? Or an old song unforgotten?


No, let’s be down-to-earth, while I try to make 

this poem a tough weed you can’t eradicate …

or the music of a sea shell: lingering, nostalgic.


But I don’t do metaphor much any more.

This poem is a clown with a silly face, which you

won’t think is funny; you might even recoil.



Poetic Asides prompt 8 for April Poem A Day: write a metaphor poem.

These words came from the skyloverpoetry list: dark orchid, wilderness, fire brick, macabre, decipher, wonder, honeydew, quaver, innuendo, intimate, subdue, tragic, sea shell, nostalgic.


Sharing with Writers' Pantry #76 at Poets and Storytellers United.



26 comments:

  1. i agree that too many years of haiku & micropoetry don't help with the use of metaphors. but still, good poems can still be written without them. and sometimes you use one without noticing it. :)

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    1. Your comment reminds of quotes in The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time, by Haddon, about metaphors. The character believes they are lies, while "A simile is not a lie, unless it's a bad simile." Metaphors can be clever, if not too obvious, I think.

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  2. I'd like to think that our poetry says something about ourselves, whether it be about our subject matter or the style of our writing. Importantly it should please the reader that you entertained them.

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    1. It can, but I've noticed that the comments for some of my poems assume they are about me, my history, life and are true. My son teases me whenever I write something a bit more spiritual or mention "god," that I am giving people the wrong idea about me! I call it "poetic license!"

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  3. Ah yes the writer goes through many changes in her career of wordsmithing
    Happy Sunday


    Much💛love

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  4. Ha ha! I like the humor here. I related to the poem as a tough weed. And some weeds are medicinal.

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  5. A clown with a silly face. Like the clown, we only see the poem's surface, not what's underneath. That may be true in that we don't know the "whys" or the deep down in you reason for the words you chose. Metaphors can make or break. I've read poems ruined by their poor use.

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    1. Those are very good observations, Lisa. Yes, metaphors well used can be absolutely marvellous, and often so apt that they are barely noticeable as metaphors – but used badly they can be atrocious.

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  6. I love how glorious your metaphor read when you aren't doing much metaphor. And I love this poem so much--what it does, what it says, the weaving of playfulness and seriousness, the joy you took (although, I might be projecting) in writing it.

    This lines left me sighing: "I could tell you this poem is a dark orchid, / arising pure and bright from the wilderness / that is me.

    Such stunning language.

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    1. I did have fun writing it! But am indebted to Kerry O'Connor @skyloverpoetry for some of the gorgeous language.

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  7. I loved your metaphor poem, Rosemary. Inspired me to try one.

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    1. Oh, good! Hopefully I might have inspired myself to try it more often, too.

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  8. You might not do metaphor very well in your opinion, but in my opinion, this poem is stellar. And you've inspired me to try my hand at it too. Thanks, Rosemary!

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    1. Thank you, MMT, for those kind words! I'll look forward to your examples.

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  9. How could anyone recoil at this piece of beauty? You still use metaphors magnificently. "Honeydew sweetness" might be my favorite one in this poem.

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    1. I'm glad you enjoyed them, Jenna. I guess I meant that they don't seem to come naturally to me any more – unless I'm trying hard on purpose, as in this piece.

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  10. I love this poem. I love the language and the nods to other poets whose voices you've used. Metaphor may come a little harder now after the little diamond chips of sparkle but this poem is a full caret of beauty.

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  11. Something that is both this playful and insightful is 100% my jam! The skillful word play draws me in.

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  12. There's dazzle and whirl in there.

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