In This Room
Across light, music,
and in front are the books
the piled high books
on table on desk
in front of the light
where music
strung across
on limpid light,
piled as if always, but
piled as if always, but
always forgotten
strung as if piled
across light always music
and the books high
on table on desk forgotten
the music always
forgotten light.
Written for the day 4 prompt for April 2020 at 'imaginary garden with real toads': Tender Buttons. We are asked to write in the style of Gertrude Stein. I departed from her long lines, but tried to get the spirit of what she does – which we are told owes something to Cubism. (I'm indebted to Sanaa for finding this reference.)
This is absolutely brilliant, Rosemary!!👏😍 The use of repetition captures the essence of the subject matter and coincides with Gertrude's belief of "continuous present." I can visualize the room, vivid in its aura and retaining both mystery and character. Almost as though standing its ground and proclaiming that it is, what it is. Bravo!💘
ReplyDeleteThank you, Sanaa. That's a top-notch comment!
DeleteI adore that pile of books as an objective metaphor. You created a great juxtaposition with the music also.
ReplyDeleteI love your interpretation of cubism, Rosemary, and your word painting is vivid to me. The repetition is like the build-up of paint on a canvas. I especially love the alliterative ‘limpid light’ and the idea of ‘the music always / forgotten light’.
ReplyDeleteRosemary- I love how you interpreted the prompt!
ReplyDeleteoohhh ... I echo the sentiments expressed in these comments that come before - (I see Sanaa, Kerry and Kim @ the moment) ....
ReplyDeletethere is something just inherently fabulous in this semi-fractured poem - like experiencing the room through a crystal prism .... it's delicate yet concrete, and re-shapes our reading/viewing/mind's eye in a new way .... I love the way your poem works the spaces, the silences and mysteries in between the words themselves - and I think this is particularly effective precisely because you used short lines .... wow! Love it. Magical Rosemary.
I'm thrilled by your response!
DeleteI thi k you did cubism very fine, Rosemary. I could not get things going and so used the "Dream" prompt idea from the NaPoWriMo page four. I thought my end using coffee instead of the previous tea might be slightly cubist. Just that one module.
ReplyDeleteI'm waiting until midnight, EDT, to see what the NaPoWriMo group will be doing for Day 5.
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Such a wonderful interpretation of the prompt...and the repetition is a perfect vehicle..the feeling of off and on
ReplyDelete