Soft light is
widening your
eyes; don’t go until
I tell you one more
time how much those
eyes, their quickening
light, inspire me: so
wide, so luminously
regarding me – as if
I am suddenly golden in
your brightened sight, as
the last flare of sunset maybe, or
like new Spring flowers (let’s
say daffodils, or perhaps
buttercups) which I know you
would look for in your Northern
Hemisphere now … so tell me, do
you miss it badly, or could you
refrain from return, could
staying here with me become
a lasting light, a new vision, say,
oh say!
Written for Weekly Scribblings #17 at Poets and Storytellers United, where Sanaa invites us to use enjambment, i.e. 'a thought or sense, phrase or clause, in a line of poetry that does not come to an end at the line break, but moves over to the next line'.
Dear readers, this poem is not autobiographical! I was playing around to see if I could enjamb every line in a way that was not just chopped-up prose but poetically necessary, or at least effective ... and somehow it led to my doing a one-sentence poem, a form which I'm particularly fond of. I had fun. I hope you think it worked.
I can connect so much with this poem, we do have in our life someone special who inspires us a lot!
ReplyDeleteThis was so charming to read... the flow, the parentheses...very nice!
ReplyDeleteI like the way the enjambment shapes your poem, Rosemary, as well as the rhythm and pace, at first tentative and becoming more confident, ending with the imperative ‘say, oh say!’. I love the lines:
ReplyDelete‘I am suddenly golden in
your brightened sight, as
the last flare of sunset maybe’.
This is absolutely stunning in its rendition!!😍 I admire the chopped up lines especially; "as if I am suddenly golden in your brightened sight, as the last flare of sunset maybe, or like new Spring flowers." Thank you so much for writing to the prompt and for everything that you do, Rosemary! 💘👏
ReplyDeleteBless you, Sanaa! I was trying to be influenced by your own lush use of language. I sometimes think my own style can get too plain and prosey. Not that anyone could compete with your rich and sensual wordplay, but if a bit of it rubs off on me, I'll be happy.
DeleteDid it work, you ask? Oh hell yeah, it worked. It's working, sister. Overtime.
ReplyDeleteThank you for that!
DeleteHaving been a northern hemisphere person for the first 30 years of my life it is amazing how that sense of belonging still makes me want to check how all is faring there now. It is as though there is a still call to return to where I belong.
ReplyDeleteI understand. I left my birthplace, Tasmania, when I was 15, and have sometimes visited since, though infrequently. I don't wish to live there again; I love living where I do – yet Tassie exerts a special pull, a special tug of nostalgia.
DeleteWhat a tender plea! And you have used enjambment so skillfully!
ReplyDeleteI wanted oh so much for this to be your story ... really tugged at my heartstrings.
ReplyDeleteThis expresses such longing I'm happy it isn't autobiographical. I'm impressed you said so much so eloquently in just one sentence! Bravo
ReplyDeleteI think your experiment worked beautifully! This came out so well! The broken lines give it a breathless sort of feel, of someone in love who can barely keep all their words in.
ReplyDeleteOh I like this one sentence form. Hmmm in spite of what you say methinks you have someone in your sites. They don't stand a chance of resisting you what with all the spells and beautiful verse:)
ReplyDeleteWell, I'm glad the poem is so convincing! If anyone ever does turn up who looks interesting, I'll make sure to woo them with verse.
DeletePS Love spells are no-nos actually, for any ethical witch.
DeleteWhat a winning job on this, Rosemary. Just beautiful!
ReplyDelete